


Morning Meditation

by Settiai



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Critmas Exchange, Critmas Exchange Treat, Crushes, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, One Shot, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-19 20:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22004995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/pseuds/Settiai
Summary: It wasfucking freezing.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 6
Kudos: 96
Collections: Critmas Exchange 2019





	Morning Meditation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [indefensibleselfindulgence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/gifts).



It was freezing.

Not for the first time, Fjord couldn't help but wonder what he thought he was doing. He'd thrown himself in the service of a goddess who, when it all came down to it, he'd barely known anything about. Admittedly, the alternative had been... less than great, but still. That didn't change the fact that he'd jumped without looking yet again.

Or the fact that it was _fucking freezing_.

"You're distracted again," Caduceus said from a nearby, amusement practically dripping from his voice.

Fjord opened his eyes and glared at Caduceus. The firbolg was sitting cross-legged a few feet away from him, the spray from the river they were sitting beside getting him just as soaked as Fjord. His eyes were still closed, an almost serene look on his face.

"How are you not cold?" Fjord asked, his teeth chattering a bit as he spoke. He suspected that his question came across a bit more petulant than he'd intended, but it was hard to stop it when it felt like certain parts of his body were about to fall off from the cold.

Caduceus's eyes flickered open for a moment, just long enough for him to meet Fjord's gaze as the corners of his mouth turned upwards in an amused smile. "Oh, I'm freezing," he said cheerfully. "You get used to after the first few years."

Fjord stared at him, even after Caduceus had closed his eyes and gone back to his meditation or whatever it was that the two of them were supposed to be doing. "The first few years," he repeated weakly.

A flicker of amusement darted across Caduceus's face, and for a second or two Fjord was reminded of Jester of all people. He narrowed his eyes. "You're pulling my leg, aren't you?"

Caduceus didn't actually admit to it, but the smile on his face answered Fjord's question well enough. "Just focus on the meditation," Caduceus said gently, his eyes still closed. "You won't feel the cold as much once you've connected with her. It's how you can tell that it's working."

Fjord sighed, but he didn't argue. He was the one who'd decided to pledge himself to the Wildmother without asking important questions like what exactly he'd be expected to do in the aftermath. It was his own fault that he was sitting beside a river at dawn, trying not to freeze his balls off.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus like Caduceus had taught him, separating his mind from his body and connecting with nature as a whole.

... and his attempt lasted a whole two minutes before he'd opened his eyes again, several creative curses running through his head as a full-body shiver hit him. He opened his mouth, getting ready to start complaining again, but then he looked over at Caduceus and the words caught in his throat.

Caduceus was sitting perfectly straight, still ridiculously tall even when sitting cross-legged on the ground. Unlike Fjord he was shirtless, the river's spray hitting his bare chest and sparkling like diamonds in the pale light of the rising sun. It was almost worrisome just how thin he was, his ribs showing starkly without even a hint of fat to cushion them. There were scars showing through the pale grey fur that covered his skin, most of them new enough that Fjord knew exactly what had caused them, though there were a few that were older.

He was ridiculously handsome.

Well, Fjord supposed that Caduceus really wasn't, not in the traditional sense. He was too tall, too skinny, too pale. Despite the almost otherworldly glow that surrounded his body as the sun's light hit him, there was a hollowness to his cheeks that gave him an almost corpse-like look when you first glanced his way. Still, there was something about him that made you want to look twice, and thrice, and...

One of these days, he'd learn better. If he kept telling himself that, maybe it would eventually be true.

Fjord wasn't a fool. He was almost certain that Caduceus wasn't interested in him that way. Hells, he was pretty sure Caduceus wasn't interested in _anyone_ that way.

Still, that didn't change his own feelings on the matter. They'd been growing for some time, shifting and changing as steadily as everything else in his life.

Caduceus had all but taken his hand and guided him when Fjord had dedicated himself to the Wildmother. He'd been the one to teach him what it meant to be one of her followers, for better or for worse, and they'd gone from being party members who didn't really know each other all that well to being, well, friends. Family.

Fjord wasn't entirely certain when it had become something more than that for him, but he was determined to do his best to ignore it. For once, there was something good in his damn life. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin it.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and did his best to focus again. _You're thinking too much,_ Caduceus's voice said in his mind, the instructions he'd given him earlier that morning echoing through his memories. _You need to embrace the emptiness. Let yourself go and trust her to catch you._

It was harder said than done, but Fjord forced himself to try. Caduceus was trying to help him, and the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint him. Or the Wildmother, of course, but disappointing Caduceus seemed more immediate. More personal.

Another shiver shook his body, and Fjord let out a sigh. He didn't open his eyes, but he slumped somewhat. Damn it.

Caduceus let out another chuckle. "You're getting better," he said, a hint of pride in his voice, and Fjord couldn't help but flush slightly at the implied compliment. "It's only your first try. It took me months to figure it out."

"Months?" Fjord repeated, his eyes shooting open. Then he froze, surprised to find Caduceus kneeling just beside him, his head tilted to the side as he studied Fjord.

He could move surprisingly quietly when he wanted to. Or maybe Fjord had just been distracted.

Caduceus smiled at him before leaning in and pressing a kiss against his cheek, his lips barely pressing against Fjord's skin before he'd pulled away.

Fjord stared at him, a part of him wondering if maybe he was cold enough to be hallucinating.

"Come on," Caduceus said, pushing himself to his feet and then offering Fjord his hand. "The others will be waking up soon. We don't want them to worry."

It took some effort, but Fjord managed to nod. "Yeah," he said weakly. "Of course. We wouldn't want to scare them."

Fjord took the offered hand, and he had no idea whatsoever how to interpret the expression that flashed across Caduceus's face as their hands touched. It was yet another thing for him to worry about another time, he supposed.

Still, he couldn't help but smile. Just a little.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter. (https://twitter.com/settiai)


End file.
